Ever the Optimist

Sometimes I wish I weren't such an optimist. Here's a general scenario, a short vignette of what most often happens:

I have two options- be optimistically hopeful about an outcome, or be groundedly pessimistic. I choose to hope, no matter what the odds. My optimism is dashed against the rocks and hope disappoints.

Sometimes, I've tried desperately not to be optimistic. On occasion, I will try to be reasonable and tell myself, "Kristin, it's not likely. Don't get your hopes up because the chances are slim to none." But all the while I'm lecturing myself in my head, deep down, I can't help myself. I hope.

As far as I know, optimism is stereotypically seen in a good light-- the lighthearted, happy, effervescent twin-- while pessimism is cast out as the gloomy, dull, sober, bad twin. I'm beginning to differ from my previous conceptions of optimism and pessimism. I think both have a time and a place. And I'm really beginning to wonder if optimism is all it's built up to be.

That's not to say that I should never be optimistic. But I guess at the moment I'm just burnt out on hope. I'm tired of being ever hopeful just to be let down. It seems the more I hope, the harder I have to fall back down to reality. I have more thoughts on this particular subject, but I think for now my reflections will stay mine alone.

Having said all that, I do know with certainty that there is one area in which I can ever be the optimist without fear of disappointment. And for that I am incredibly grateful.

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. . . And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. . . And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." ~Romans 5:1-5

"Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus. . . Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." ~Hebrews 10:19,23

Glorious Displays

I really enjoy fireworks. Dark skies lit up with brilliant bursts of color, unexpected extra explosions of light and sound, and best of all, the deep rumbling of the finale.

On Saturday night, some friends from camp and I went out to see the fireworks over Saranac Lake. It was a fun experience, especially because I haven't been able to see fireworks for the past few years. We enjoyed each others' company and oohed and aahed at the variety of fireworks shot up into the sky.

I stood on the bank and watched with excitement as the finale began. Roman candles spouted off continuously in bright colors while rockets climbed high and burst into showering blues, reds, and whites, echoing across the lake with loud booms you could feel. As I stood there, feeling the rumblings of the explosions, I thought to myself, "If this man-made display of color and sound can excite me, how much more thrilling it will be when Jesus comes."

Think about it. Hearing the loud boom, seeing the bright colors, and feeling the rumble deep inside when fireworks explode seems to set off a little extra adrenaline and you can just sense the excitement of it. But this is not even a mere shadow of what we will experience when Jesus comes in the clouds.

"And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war. His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself. And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God. And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean. And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS." Revelation 19:11-16

"For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord." 1 Thessalonians 4:16,17

"At that time the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the sky, and all the nations of the earth will mourn. They will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of the sky, with power and great glory. And he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other." Matthew 24:30,31

Witness

I won't give in this time.
This time will be different.

My words float heavenward
From my upturned lips
As I
Fall down

Again

Satan adds a mark--
Another line on his chalkboard
To testify.

But I,
Through tear-stained face,
Take God's hand to
Stand up

Again

My Judge erases
The Accuser's smirk and my mark
To testify.

Backfire

I called Wendy Roberts today to talk and let her know that she has a host of people praying for her and her family. She told me that they appreciate the prayers so much. Please continue to pray for her and the whole family, that God will give them the strength to keep going as the days keep coming. I want to share some of what she said.

As I talked with her about Kaleb and how she was doing, she told me, "I just hope that this is a witness to the people here. It's really hit them hard. They think that we're somehow immune to their problems, and now I hope they can see that we're not." Just as Jesus lived among men and experienced what we experience, the Roberts family is living among the Chadians, experiencing their hardships, and relating to them. And it will be a witness, I'm sure it already has been.

Kaleb coloring with Mbai, a patient

"And I hope that Kaleb will have many stars on his crown because of it," Wendy said through her tears, "I want this to bring glory to God; that's what Kaleb would have wanted."

When I asked her how Cherise, their 2 year old, was doing, she said that Cherise didn't understand until the casket went into the ground and they started piling dirt on top. Cherise said, "Mommy, I don't like that." And Wendy replied, "I don't either, honey." Then Wendy explained again to Cherise that they wouldn't see Kaleb again until Jesus comes. Since then, Cherise keeps telling Wendy, "Mommy, Jesus is going to come soon and say, 'Kaleb, wake up!'"




That's the kind of kids Gary and Wendy have raised.





I remember having family worship with them one weekend; Kaleb liked to sing I'm in the Lord's Army and With Jesus in the Family. Both Kaleb and Cherise loved to listen to their Bible stories for worship every night.

Once again, Satan's scheme has backfired and pulled the ground out from under him. In the times of the early apostolic church, Satan persecuted believers mercilessly. His intent, I'm sure, was to stomp out the blaze that Jesus had started; instead, Satan unwittingly spread it like wildfire. Likewise, I'm sure that in attacking God's missionaries, Gary and Wendy, his intentions were cruel- to knock the air out of their chests and send them reeling out of the mission field. But as Gary and Wendy have turned Kaleb's death into a testimony against Satan's depravity and continue to work and testify for God, I'm afraid Satan's small victory has been transformed into yet another defeat.

My prayer is that I may learn to live my life as a testimony like Gary and Wendy's lives, and that by my every action, Satan's plans may backfire. And it will be my prayer until Jesus comes again and wakes up all the ones we've loved and lost.

For Kaleb

I just got an email from Dr. James in Bere. As soon as I began to read, I knew it in my gut: he was gone, they couldn't save him.

It's one of those things that seems so unreal, like a bad dream that you just know you're going to wake up from at any moment. But you don't.

It's funny how we offer words of solace for those who have lost someone dear, but when it's your turn to receive those words, they only sound hollow and are unable to touch the aching in your heart.

But as I sit and question, "God, why Kaleb?" I do so knowing deep down that God knows best. I do so knowing that while words can never cure the heartache, He can. And so I pray to the God of all comfort to ease the pain until He can wipe the tears from our eyes.

Please pray for the Roberts family-- Gary, Wendy, and their 2 year old, Cherise. I can't even begin to imagine how much they're hurting right now.



"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.'"

Come quickly, Jesus.