I can't remember a time I've felt so.... confused doesn't even come close to describing it. Honestly, the only thing that comes close to describing how I feel is to say that I feel a bit like I imagine Ophelia did just before she went mad.
Yesterday I went to Oakwood University to hear David Asscherick speak for DEEP Sabbath. I enjoyed the experience overall, but Asscherick's sermon was incredible. I've heard it before, actually. But hearing it again was so powerful, and at the end of his sermon, he made an appeal for surrender. I felt impressed to give something up-- something that's been causing me a lot of confusion and distress. You would imagine something like that would be easy to give up; who wants to hold on to something that's causing distress, right?
Foolish heart that I am, I spent the rest of the day taking it right back off the altar. And I knew it too. I just couldn't let go. And I'm still struggling with it this morning. Then I read this post by Matt, and my heart broke for its own obstinacy.
Oh, God. Please forgive this imprudent heart. Give me grace to let go.