As I was sitting by the fireplace watching flames dance over logs my mind was lost in a reverie, an ocean of contemplation.
I am going to be more vulnerable than I often allow myself to be. I have an intense desire to be known, to be understood. I desperately want someone to want to search my mind and truly know and understand the depths of my heart. I want somebody to desire to figure me out, and I want him to succeed. And I want him to love me for what he sees and knows about my heart and my mind.
As I sat by the fire tonight, my mind whirling with a plethora of deep thoughts, I felt this desire very strongly. I thought silently, "I wish I could tell someone all of these thoughts and be understood." And almost instantly I was overwhelmed by the thought of having to express each of those ideas, those incomplete impressions that even I was struggling to process fully in my own mind. I had hardly finished being overwhelmed by imagining trying to convey the meaning of my mind's contents when another thought presented itself: "I know your thoughts. I have searched you, and I know your heart."
Immediately, I was comforted. I don't even have to search for the proper combination and order of words to truly express what's in my heart and on my mind; God knows. Really knows. And understands. He has me figured out. And I am loved for what He sees and knows about my heart and mind. And somehow in that moment of realization, I felt closer to God and more deeply loved than I've consciously felt in quite some time.
Perhaps I may share my thoughts with someone someday. Maybe I won't. But regardless, I am content to be known by Someone.
