Friday, November 25

יָדַע

Tonight has been a full night. Full of blessings and warmth. Full of thoughts in varying stages of completeness. Full of Presence. Full of Love.

As I was sitting by the fireplace watching flames dance over logs my mind was lost in a reverie, an ocean of contemplation.

I am going to be more vulnerable than I often allow myself to be. I have an intense desire to be known, to be understood. I desperately want someone to want to search my mind and truly know and understand the depths of my heart. I want somebody to desire to figure me out, and I want him to succeed. And I want him to love me for what he sees and knows about my heart and my mind.

As I sat by the fire tonight, my mind whirling with a plethora of deep thoughts, I felt this desire very strongly. I thought silently, "I wish I could tell someone all of these thoughts and be understood." And almost instantly I was overwhelmed by the thought of having to express each of those ideas, those incomplete impressions that even I was struggling to process fully in my own mind. I had hardly finished being overwhelmed by imagining trying to convey the meaning of my mind's contents when another thought presented itself: "I know your thoughts. I have searched you, and I know your heart."

Immediately, I was comforted. I don't even have to search for the proper combination and order of words to truly express what's in my heart and on my mind; God knows. Really knows. And understands. He has me figured out. And I am loved for what He sees and knows about my heart and mind. And somehow in that moment of realization, I felt closer to God and more deeply loved than I've consciously felt in quite some time.

Perhaps I may share my thoughts with someone someday. Maybe I won't. But regardless, I am content to be known by Someone.

12 comments:

Emily Star said...

Oh my goodness Kristin, this is a beautiful realization. I KNOW exactly what you mean about having a pool of thoughts that you don't even understand yourself, so how could you hope to get someone else to understand them? Then your realization, beautiful.

Love you friend!

ArtyMarti said...

Thank you for sharing. What a comfort to know that God knows who we are and what we need.

Dorinda said...

Hmm, I'm afraid that even when guys love us they are often completely baffled by what we are thinking. It's a good thing we have a Heavenly Father who both cares and understands. May He supply all of your needs.

Christen said...

Lovely! I appreciate your thoughtfulness and word choices. You've expressed something I've never attempted. Isn't it so wonderful that Someone knows us even better than we do and comforting that He loves us in spite of our weaknesses? :)

Christen said...

PS. Couldst thou explain the Hebrew?

Kristin said...

Christen, יָדַע (yada') is the basic Hebrew for "to know."
Emily, for some reason I thought of you when I was writing this post. I was wishing that I had your way with words when I was trying to convey this idea :)
Dorinda, I think you're mostly right, though I don't agree with you completely about guys being baffled by our thoughts :) But I am ever so grateful for a God who truly knows me more than any other being could.
ArtyMarti, thanks :) I'm glad you could appreciate the idea.

Araya said...

Wow. I was going to simply breeze through and read your post (I generally make it a rule not to comment on blogs of people I'm not familiar with), but I'm compelled to comment. I really resonate. There are so very many times when I just have to write things down. And for the most part, these half processed thoughts that I don't understand come out making even less sense to the general public (a.k.a. anyone who reads one of those posts on my blog.). What an awesome thought- stated beautifully. Thank you for sharing. :)

Heather said...

My heart understood this post friend Kristen. It is truly lovely to be so fully and completely known...*sigh
Nice to hear someone write about something that mostly stays in my mind or the pages of my journal.

Heather said...

Oh, and forgive for the misspelling of your name...friend KRISTIN. Must have been halfway asleep...or just enraptured with thoughts of your post.

erin_eliz said...

Kristin this was lovely. I completely understand it is so wonderful to know that God knows exactly who we are and what are thoughts are.

Heather Gent said...

Well said. Thank you for sharing. It's a message that many need to hear. He knows us whether anyone else does or not - and that is enough.

bekah said...

wow, Kristin, thanks for sharing this. what would we ever do without Him? Thank God.