Wednesday, April 11

Life is Not Good

This afternoon, I woke up after having worked last night, and I pulled out the top t-shirt in my drawer to wear. But as I looked at it, I realized I couldn't wear it. Not today. It was an orange, happy t-shirt that says "Good Vibes Life is Good." And as I eyed the shirt, my stomach started to churn.

Life is not good. At least not life on this Earth. Life is messed up, full of sin and pain and things that make no sense to me. This life is one in which mothers must lay their own children to rest, fathers must lower their own sons and daughters into their graves.

And to be completely honest, I'm so weary of it. I don't want to cry any more tears for mothers and fathers whose arms and hearts are empty. I don't want to weep anymore for the loss of those who are dear to me and the people I love. Sometimes I feel like my heart just can't take any more blows.

In the last few months Satan has been attacking with vigor. I have had missionary friends bury their 6-month old baby boy. In addition, some friends of theirs just lost their 3-month old child. Other missionaries who work at a hospital I used to work in had to rush their 9-month old back to the States because of an unknown illness (although, I've just had news that he is fully recovered, praise God).

My dear friend who teaches at a small Christian elementary school just lost one of her seven year-old students last night in a tragic accident. The girl, Marissa, was a twin. She had two parents who loved her, 4 siblings, and many friends. I can't imagine the pain and ache that her community is feeling.

Life is not good.

But then, as I looked at my "Life is Good" t-shirt and felt ill, I remembered that even if life is not good, God is. And there is more than this life; more than this life full of sin and pain and things I don't understand. There is Eternal Life-- a Life in which mothers and fathers will never feel the void, the ache of losing a child. Where Love and all its warmth and goodness will never again be tainted with painful good-byes. A Life in which God will wipe away every hot tear that trickles down our cheeks, searing our hearts with pain. A Life in which God will finally, once and for all, completely heal the pain in our hearts that no words of comfort can remove.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." ~Revelation 21: 1, 3


shama said...

Thanks for sharing, Kristin. "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow."

Dorinda said...

Sometimes it's so hard to be a nurse and to care. Then I wonder how it must be if you're God and care so deeply. Fortunately, we know that there is "more". I think I need to stop praying not to get sent to Tchad :)

Citizen Atheist said...

I wish I could reach out and slap some sense into you, but words will have to do.

There is no God. Therefore, there is no Satan. This overwhelming feeling of being ignored by God is not real, because there is no God to ignore you. Prayers don't get answered and though a baby dying is tragic, it is not the work of demons.

Support your friends in this time of grief, but don't compound it by blaming it on some invisible, unprovable, evil god-like thing. That just makes it worse.

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? - Epicirus