Today God is teaching me a comforting lesson. I say "is teaching" because I'm still trying to completely let go of my anxiety. Sometimes I don't understand why it's so hard for me to trust and rely on God when He gives me such obvious evidence of His supremacy over all time and circumstances. But I suppose I'm an Israelite at heart.
I'm trying to incorporate a consistent exercise schedule into my life this year at Southern. Being in Africa and losing my ability to stay physically active and healthy has given me a huge appreciation for my health and fitness. This morning, I was a little late in getting up to go running, but instead of rushing through my devotions to make sure I could fit everything in, I made a conscious effort to take my time and focus on devotions that I could receive the full blessing God had in store for me this morning.
When I got back from running, I realized that it was going to be a scramble to shower, dress, and eat before walking over to class. So I hurried. But I've hurried before, and I've never gotten ready as quickly as I did this morning. The amazing thing is, while quickly getting ready this morning, I didn't feel particularly rushed. I didn't inhale my food, though I ate quickly. I still made sure that my hair was presentable (Christy, you would be proud of how quickly a state of presentable was achieved). I didn't bolt out the door and forget anything I needed. In fact, I left earlier today than I was able to yesterday, and made it to class with several minutes to spare.
This morning God not only blessed me with His word, but He blessed me with a gift of time. Because I had chosen to honor God and be a good steward of the time He had given me, He saw fit to bless me with more.
What does this have to do with the lesson God is teaching me? Well, I'm taking a slightly more than full load of classes. In going over the syllabi for each of my classes, I've felt more and more overwhelmed with the amount of clinicals, projects and papers I will have to write. On top of that, I might be petitioning to add another class to my load along with a job. All of these circumstances have caused me to feel a sense of panic rising in me. But each time today that I've begun to feel panicked or overwhelmed, God has reminded me that He is Lord over all time, and that if I'm following in the way that He's leading, He is taking care of me and will continue to do so.
I've been reading in Patriarchs and Prophets, and recently read about the Israelites and the golden calf. Ellen White writes of how grave the sin of the golden calf was, and especially because they did it while at the base of Mt. Sinai in the very presence of the cloud of God's glory. While there was a huge cloud and thunder covering Mt. Sinai in plain sight, the Israelites betrayed the very God who saved them and made himself known to them just a few weeks before. When I read things like that, I'm astounded at the Israelites' feeble faith, and yet I do the same thing day after day when I worry about life's troubles.
Especially in the past few weeks, God has shown Himself faithful to me in even the smallest details, and has reassured me in tangible ways that He is taking care of me. And here I sit, anxious about tomorrow before it even arrives.
God give me faith to believe that I might not break Your heart with my distrust. Matthew 6:25-34.