Sunday, July 20

Venting

If you do not wish to read something rather negative, please, read no further.

I'm highly irritated. Partially at myself, partially at the swarm of small fruit fly bug things, and partially at work.

I'll start with myself: I am not super nurse. Sad, but true. Maybe one day I will be, but for now, it's a struggle to catch up by the end of the day. And my neck is killing me. I think it's just rather tight from all the stress of today.

There is a medium-sized horde of fruit fly/gnat things buzzing about my head and the kitchen in general. And I'm not sure what to do about it. Before I left Tennessee, there was a small collection of ants that were inhabiting the kitchen. But the reign of the ants has passed and in their place are these annoying flying bugs. They're too small for the fly swatter (I tried already), the veggie wash spray doesn't seem to kill them instantly as it does ants, and I'm all out of ideas.

As for work... Work is stressful. For whatever reason, management has decided that we really don't need all of our staff and they have purposefully been short-staffing our floor. Why? To save money. This is all very noble, but unfortunately, patient care is suffering. Greatly. Having six patients is bad enough, but it makes it worse when we don't have a unit clerk to take orders off the charts, answer the phone, and answer the call light. It also doesn't help when you page doctors 3 times with no response, which actually happened twice today with the same doctor.

But really, I think what frustrates me the most is feeling like I'm just surviving the day. This morning on my way to work, I was praying that God would use me today. That no matter how hard my day was I would be able to have a cheerful attitude and be a blessing to someone. Anyone. There were even a couple of times during the day when I felt myself getting more stressed and upset and I prayed right then for God to help me change my attitude. And He did, but it didn't seem to last very long.

I don't know. I know that God was with me today, and I know He answered my prayers. But somehow, I feel like I was just barely keeping my head above the water today, and I really question how much of a blessing I was to anyone. And that's what irritates me most.

Soon I shall be off to bed to wake up and try again tomorrow. The nice thing is that tomorrow is a new day. Despite the fact that I will have the same patients, it will be a different day.

6 comments:

Edward said...

Kristin, it sounds like you are feeling rather discouraged and down. I'm sorry things don't seem very pleasant right now! I will be praying for you.

I'm not the happiest cookie in the world right now either. I've had some shattering disappointments myself lately-but I'm happy to listen to your woes anytime you're online! Give me a hit on MSN or Skype!

-Edward

4 Hind's Feet said...

kristin- i had an experience with a single fruit fly today. he was buzzing around my head and proceeded to blow at him to get him away. I surprisingly blew him not only out of my face, but 2 feet away from me into my computer screen!! It was most amusing. With so many fruit flies you could try =)

Christy said...

thomson's comment amuses me greatly.

kristin: i love you and keep surrendering it to God. He will bring good. I know He will. HUGS

Refulgent Courier said...

Kristin,
Thanks for the encouraging message. It reminds me of the quote from Daily Living where she talks about there being an eloquence far more powerful than words in the quiet, consistent life of a pure, true Christian. So, the same goes for you. Even though you may not be able to share the plan of salvation with your patients each day, they, and the people you work with, will see your consistency and be moved. I know He's using you. Praise God that He's not done with us yet!

Alex said...

I must say that towards the end of last week (Adventure camp) I felt much the same way as far as just trying to keep my head above water... But God is good and has gotten me through which I know he will do for you as well.

Kristin said...

After posting such a negative blog, I really didn't expect to get many comments. Thanks for your encouragement and for caring :)

Edward: I don't work again till Sunday, so hopefully I can catch you online sometime. I'm praying for you!

Thomson: I must say, that your comment made me laugh. And a good laugh was what I needed. I will be posting a new blog in a short while that you might find amusing. Or violent, I'm not sure which.

Christy: Thanks :) I needed a hug.

Sarah: Amen. I'm glad that God's not done with me yet and I still think He's brave for taking on the challenge... :)

Alex: God is good. More to follow in my blog :)