My heart is a piece of glass—
Delicate, exquisitely hand-crafted.
I am
All too willing
To place it in your hands.
It’s been held before, this heart of glass,
And it’s been shattered too.
Once smashed on a careless whim,
Once broken by an untimely end.
It’s mended now—
(Or mostly so)
The jagged scars can still be seen,
And some shards were never found,
But it is mostly whole.
And now, I am
All too eager
To place it in your hands.
But you could
Break my heart;
It has been done before.
So instead
I’ll place it in my Maker’s hands,
And I will wait on Him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've placed myself in quite the predicament. You see, I've decided that I don't ever want to initiate anything when it comes to romantic relationships; I want to be pursued. Unfortunately, my desire to be pursued stands a great chance of being ousted by my impatience and my fear of allowing opportunity to pass me by. But God is helping me learn that not all opportunities should be taken.
Like many girls, I'm all too ready and willing to give away my heart. I keep trying to place my heart in God's hands to give to whomever He chooses when the time is right. I keep trying to repeat to myself Song of Solomon 8:4-- "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."
This has become one of my daily struggles: to dampen the desire to love and be loved that God has placed in my heart, because it is not time. And to trust that God will fulfill that desire in His time.
It is much easier to say that I trust God than to live my trust in God.
Tuesday, August 12
Step Aside, Darcy
So, this is random, but I've pretty much decided that Gilbert Blythe is the number one hero of all times. Forget Mr. Darcy and Captain Wentworth. Gilbert Blythe has them beat hands down.
Why? Because Gil's character really gets love. He understands the sacrificial and selfless nature of love. Beyond that, he pursues with persistence, is honest, and is genuinely sincere. And, he's a big enough man to put aside pride when necessary. There's my brief and somewhat vague account of the virtues of Gilbert Blythe. I have more thoughts on this subject, but won't bore you.
I'm such a hopeless romantic (not in the Wordsworth sense of the word romantic). And yet, still somewhat hopeful, if a little discouraged.
Why? Because Gil's character really gets love. He understands the sacrificial and selfless nature of love. Beyond that, he pursues with persistence, is honest, and is genuinely sincere. And, he's a big enough man to put aside pride when necessary. There's my brief and somewhat vague account of the virtues of Gilbert Blythe. I have more thoughts on this subject, but won't bore you.
I'm such a hopeless romantic (not in the Wordsworth sense of the word romantic). And yet, still somewhat hopeful, if a little discouraged.
Tuesday, August 5
A Silly Tale
This is a silly tale of how I lost my voice. I recorded it yesterday. If you can imagine, today I have even less of a voice...
But I feel quite a bit better now.
Perhaps I should cross reason #4 off my list... With a voice like this, maybe I could sing bass after all :P
But I feel quite a bit better now.
Perhaps I should cross reason #4 off my list... With a voice like this, maybe I could sing bass after all :P
Monday, August 4
Worst Enemies
It is 2 o'clock in the morning. I went to sleep a little over 3 hours ago. Why am I blogging now, you ask?
I'm blogging right now, when I wish to be sleeping soundly, because germs are my worst enemy. Evil, invasive little bacteria have made it their personal mission to see to it that I get no sleep. They are quite committed to their mission, and have been successful thus far tonight.
Yesterday, I drank 3 liters of water and two glasses of orange juice. I thought perhaps I could flush the little vermin out of my system, but alas, they persist.
In any case, I am going to attempt to get some more sleep now. I just hope that this time around I can sleep for more than 3 hours... I also hope and pray that I start feeling better. I had to call in to work sick on Sunday, and I'm supposed to work Tuesday and Wednesday...
_______________________________________
Edit: It is now 12:30 am the next day/night. I have a few things to say:
1. At least last night I could sleep for 3 hours at a time. Tonight it has been every hour that I've woken up.
2. Vicks vaporub is pretty cool, except that it leaves an awful waxy film on your skin.
3. It's pretty sad when you don't even have the energy to blow your nose anymore.
4. I think I'm pretty much immune to medicine.
5. You'd think that being a nurse would make me less of a baby about being sick. You would think...
I'm blogging right now, when I wish to be sleeping soundly, because germs are my worst enemy. Evil, invasive little bacteria have made it their personal mission to see to it that I get no sleep. They are quite committed to their mission, and have been successful thus far tonight.
Yesterday, I drank 3 liters of water and two glasses of orange juice. I thought perhaps I could flush the little vermin out of my system, but alas, they persist.
In any case, I am going to attempt to get some more sleep now. I just hope that this time around I can sleep for more than 3 hours... I also hope and pray that I start feeling better. I had to call in to work sick on Sunday, and I'm supposed to work Tuesday and Wednesday...
_______________________________________
Edit: It is now 12:30 am the next day/night. I have a few things to say:
1. At least last night I could sleep for 3 hours at a time. Tonight it has been every hour that I've woken up.
2. Vicks vaporub is pretty cool, except that it leaves an awful waxy film on your skin.
3. It's pretty sad when you don't even have the energy to blow your nose anymore.
4. I think I'm pretty much immune to medicine.
5. You'd think that being a nurse would make me less of a baby about being sick. You would think...
Saturday, August 2
Yet Again...
Yes, I am blogging about work yet again (so if you're tired of hearing about work, read no further)... Recently that seems to be all that's happening in life, so it's a little bit hard to blog about anything else. In fact, I thought about how much I've been working lately and decided to do a little bit of math for curiosity's sake. Here are some figures for you:
On days that I work, I spend 4% of the day in the car, 54% at the hospital, 25% sleeping, and 17% at home awake.
Last week I spent 57% of my days working, which, by hours, is really about 31% of my week (which might not seem like a significant figure, but it sure feels like it).
In any case, I wanted to write specifically about what happened on Friday with work.
Friday morning I woke up feeling sick to my stomach and with a headache. I was highly tempted to call in sick, especially since it would be my 4th day working that week. But it's odd what stopped me from doing so, and I believe it was a God thing, silly as it may seem.
When I woke up, I had been dreaming. I can't recall exactly what happened in my dream, except for this: Something unpleasant had happened, and my last thought as I looked at a piece of paper with some significance was, "This is your opportunity. You can use this to witness for God, to show his goodness and to be a blessing."
With that as my waking thought, I struggled with what to do. I didn't feel good, so it didn't seem likely to me that anything about work could be good, but I couldn't ignore the thought that maybe God had given me that dream as an encouragement that today I could be a blessing.
I decided to take my chances and go to work. Thankfully, I started feeling much better as the day went on, although the headache kept recurring.
I'm so glad that I went to work on Friday; it was the best day I can remember having in a long, long time. There were definitely challenges, but it was one of the first days in a long time that I can remember specifically feeling God's presence with me. Not to mention, I had a lot of the same patients I had had earlier this week, and almost all of them had told me by the end of the day that they were glad to have me as their nurse, and that they appreciated what I'd done. I truly felt like a blessing; I felt like something I had done made more of a difference than just handing out medications, which has been a rare feeling lately.
Beyond having a good day with my patients, I also had a good day with my co-workers. It's funny, a lot of them didn't realize that I was leaving until very recently. On Friday, I got to eat lunch before 3 o'clock in the afternoon, which was nice. I ate with Tabitha and Tisha, and they started asking me all kinds of questions about Africa. It was really fun; I haven't had a chance to really talk to any of my co-workers lately, and I've missed it. I really love the people I work with, and I'll be sad to leave them. They wanted to get my updates while I'm gone, so I'm going to leave my blog address for them. It was really nice to feel like they actually care what happens to me after I leave, especially since I haven't been working with them long, and I'm not exactly the most outgoing, easy-to-befriend person in the world.
Praise God for silly dreams. I now have 3 days left of work, and I don't know what they'll bring, but I hope and pray that whatever happens, I can feel like God is with me.
On days that I work, I spend 4% of the day in the car, 54% at the hospital, 25% sleeping, and 17% at home awake.
Last week I spent 57% of my days working, which, by hours, is really about 31% of my week (which might not seem like a significant figure, but it sure feels like it).
In any case, I wanted to write specifically about what happened on Friday with work.
Friday morning I woke up feeling sick to my stomach and with a headache. I was highly tempted to call in sick, especially since it would be my 4th day working that week. But it's odd what stopped me from doing so, and I believe it was a God thing, silly as it may seem.
When I woke up, I had been dreaming. I can't recall exactly what happened in my dream, except for this: Something unpleasant had happened, and my last thought as I looked at a piece of paper with some significance was, "This is your opportunity. You can use this to witness for God, to show his goodness and to be a blessing."
With that as my waking thought, I struggled with what to do. I didn't feel good, so it didn't seem likely to me that anything about work could be good, but I couldn't ignore the thought that maybe God had given me that dream as an encouragement that today I could be a blessing.
I decided to take my chances and go to work. Thankfully, I started feeling much better as the day went on, although the headache kept recurring.
I'm so glad that I went to work on Friday; it was the best day I can remember having in a long, long time. There were definitely challenges, but it was one of the first days in a long time that I can remember specifically feeling God's presence with me. Not to mention, I had a lot of the same patients I had had earlier this week, and almost all of them had told me by the end of the day that they were glad to have me as their nurse, and that they appreciated what I'd done. I truly felt like a blessing; I felt like something I had done made more of a difference than just handing out medications, which has been a rare feeling lately.
Beyond having a good day with my patients, I also had a good day with my co-workers. It's funny, a lot of them didn't realize that I was leaving until very recently. On Friday, I got to eat lunch before 3 o'clock in the afternoon, which was nice. I ate with Tabitha and Tisha, and they started asking me all kinds of questions about Africa. It was really fun; I haven't had a chance to really talk to any of my co-workers lately, and I've missed it. I really love the people I work with, and I'll be sad to leave them. They wanted to get my updates while I'm gone, so I'm going to leave my blog address for them. It was really nice to feel like they actually care what happens to me after I leave, especially since I haven't been working with them long, and I'm not exactly the most outgoing, easy-to-befriend person in the world.
Praise God for silly dreams. I now have 3 days left of work, and I don't know what they'll bring, but I hope and pray that whatever happens, I can feel like God is with me.
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