Three posts in one night is crazy, I know. But I'm not sure when I'll get another chance for a little while and I felt like I needed to unload my thoughts. Although, there are still plenty tossing about in my mind.
Matt and Beth-Anne's wedding was wonderful. Everything was beautiful, things went smoothly, and the ceremony was so special. I don't think there could have been any doubt in anyone's mind that God is at the very core of their marriage and has been through their whole relationship. I love them so much, and I couldn't be happier for them.
I had one of the most awful feelings today. When I got back to Tennessee, I decided to stop by the post office. As I got out of my car and looked around me, I had this horribly indescribable sinking feeling and I sighed. I was back. And it has never felt less like home.
It doesn't really make sense, but I felt more at home up in Pennsylvania this weekend than I feel in Tennessee right now. I know, it sounds ridiculous; I've never been there before, and I was only there for a short while, but I think that being around so many people that I have been missing so much made me feel at home again. And I hated leaving.
Recently, I've been feeling more and more that home is not a place. Sure, I have my home in Virginia where my family is, but to be completely honest, it only feels like home because my family is there. I think that's why we can be homesick for heaven even though we've never been there. Because our home is not in this sin-filled world, but with God-- in His presence. And even though we've never been to heaven, we have been in God's presence. In a limited, not face-to-face kind of way, we can experience God's presence in our lives here, and it makes me want so desperately to be at home with Him and to be able to see him face to face.
I'm beginning to realize that home really is where the heart is. And right now, I feel like my heart is being torn. Within the past year or two, I've come to love my friends and family more deeply than I ever have before, and lately I've felt like I keep leaving little pieces of my heart strewn about as the people I love go their separate ways. I don't know why, but I feel such a sense of loss right now. And I can't help but feel that things will never be the same as everyone parts ways.
A lot of my friends are going to different places around the world. Some will stay where they are, and my family will still be where they are now, but I'm leaving. I can't help but feel that I'm going to be so far from home, not only literally, but also in the sense that I will be far from the ones I love, the ones my heart is with. I know that I'll be coming back, that it's only temporary. But I'm seriously beginning to have some doubts about whether or not I'll be able to handle it.
I know God is calling me. I know that I want to go. But I feel that I'm lacking strength. Please pray for me. I need it.
7 comments:
:) I've been praying for you, Kristin! I always think about you with happy thoughts. You have such neat insights (like at Bible study, and with your blogs), and well, you're always an encouragement to me!
I'm leaving in 45 hours for Bolivia! It's so soon, but I still don't completely realize that it's REALLY going to happen VERY SOON! When do you leave? We're going to have incredible experiences, and though we are weak, God will be our strength! We can't do it alone, but with Him we can! I wish you a wonderful week!! Love, Amy
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"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." - 2 Cor. 12:9
I know what you mean Kristin! There is no place like where your friends and family are. I wish that all my friends could be in one place, not strewn all over the world. I guess that makes me look even more forward to heaven when all my friends will be within flying distance... with my wings ;)
I'll be praying for you!
Thank you for expressing my feelings so aptly. Friends are a blessing from the Lord, and even when we're separated from them, it makes us turn our eyes Heavenward with hope.
Hope: Joyful confidence about the future, based on faith in the Word of God
Romans 8:22-25
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
Thank you all for your notes. Each of the things you had to say really lifted my spirits. And the verses you shared were a great encouragement.
Joel, those verses were especially comforting. And they reminded me of a song that I think you have too. It's called "Going Home" and some of the lyrics that those verses remind me of are these:
And I want to know the ending
Of things hoped for, but not seen,
But I guess that's the point of hoping anyway,
Of going home
Kristin,
As regards the last part of your post:
None of us are weak enough!
Remember 2 Cor. 12:9-10.
We need to do a student missinoary prayer chain e-mail like we did two summers ago. I'm having the same feelings wishing that I could have both my family and my friends. Family is great, but both are home to me, just like you said Kristin. I've been realizing your sentiments exactly, Joel. In Heaven there will be no more sea!
Kristin dear!
I have been having the same kinds of thoughts running through my head! I went to a campmeeting called "Faith Camp" this last weekend and was very inspired! One quote that I really liked was:
"When man works, man works. When man prays, God works."
When you go over there, it will become like your home, because you will fall in love with those dear people! I will be praying for you! God bless you! When do you leave? I am leaving in 5 days!!!
We really should have a sm prayer chain! If you guys start one, please let me know! Thanks! God bless you!
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